5. Options for Further Reducing Effective Throughput

1. Anti-Huffman Coding. The most frequent symbol is assigned the longest code, with code lengths reducing with symbol probability.

2. Minimum likelihood decoding. The least likely interpretation of the detected symbol is selected to maximize the probability of decoding error.

3. Firefly cryptography. A random signal (mason jar full of fireflies) is used to encipher the transmitted signal by optical combining. At the receiving site, another jar of fireflies is used to decipher the message. Since the correlation between the transmitting and receiving firefly jars is essentially nil, the probability of successful decipherment is quite low, yielding a very low effective transmission rate.

4. Recursive Self-encapsulation. Since it is self-evident that layered communication is a GOOD THING, more layers must be better. It is proposed to recursively encapsulate each of the 7 layers of OSI, yielding a 49 layer communications model. The redundancy and retransmission and flow control achieved by this means should produce an extremely low bandwidth system if, indeed, any information can be transmitted at all. It is proposed that the top level application layer utilize ASN.1 encoded in a 32 bit per character set.

5. Scaling. The initial M1A1 tank basis for the land mobile communication system can be improved. It is proposed to reduce the effective data rate further by replacing the tanks with shuttle launch vehicles. The only slower method of signalling might be the use of cars on any freeway in the Los Angeles area.

6. Network Management. It is proposed to adopt the Slow Network Management Protocol (SNMP) as a standard for ULSNET. All standard Management Information Base variables will be specified in Serbo-Croatian and all computations carried-out in reverse-Polish.

7. Routing. Two alternatives are proposed:

   • Mashed Potato Routing
   • Airline Baggage Routing [due to S. Cargo]

   The former is a scheme whereby any incoming packets are stored for long periods of time before forwarding. If space for storage becomes a problem, packets are compressed by removing bits at random. Packets are then returned to the sender. In the latter scheme, packets are mislabelled at the initial switch and randomly labelled as they are moved through the network. A special check is made before forwarding to avoid routing to the actual intended destination.

CSCR looks forward to a protracted and fruitless discussion with you on this subject as soon as we can figure out how to transmit the proposal.